


Paper Roses

by Baekbitficfest



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 19:32:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baekbitficfest/pseuds/Baekbitficfest
Summary: She’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.





	Paper Roses

**Author's Note:**

> Please be sure to leave some lovely comments for the writer!
> 
> Thank you for reading <3

_Prompt #: 122_  
_Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol_  
_Rating: R_  
_ Summary: She’s the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. _  
_Word Count:_ 6,232  
Warnings: (Spoiler – Major Character Death), Probably an inaccurate portrayal of illness, fem!Baek  
_Author's Note :_ I’ll apologize beforehand if you find my portrayal of the illness inaccurate in some way, or rather too stereotyped. I have experienced this firsthand, not me but a fam friend, so I could only write much. The prompter wanted Baekhee so please don’t hate fem!Baek and give this a chance.  Thank you mods for having me!

  
  
  
  


_ It’s raining again today. _

 

The concept of time is nothing but a collection of passing moments, most of the times nonsense and uneventful, some, so unforgettable, but has passed nonetheless. It can be a means to measure one’s regret or contentment, a reminder that what you see is temporary, and that nothing is permanent; that life goes on even if you don’t want to. Time is supposed to tell you that yesterday is gone and that tomorrow will come, that you can’t do anything for the moments you missed. Even so, it gives enough comfort, that despite of what’s said and done, you have much time to plan for what’s coming.

 

Chanyeol always believed so – that time is just one of the consistent factors of life; that time is something no one can control. Unlike other abstract concepts like love, faith or joy, time doesn’t wait on anyone. It just continues on and on. There is no swimming against the flow. There’s only going  _ with _ it. 

 

Moments become memories; beginnings have begun, while some reaches its end in a matter of seconds. Like a couple’s first kiss that begins with a subtle glance on their partner’s lips, and ends at that point when one pulls back, or the beginning of life with one’s first heartbeat and ends with its last, or a dream that begins as one closes his eyes and ends as he’s pulled back to reality, in time, nothing lasts. There’s always a moment gone in a blink of an eye.

 

Time consumes life, but Chanyeol cheats and keeps as much life as he can. It’s so easy to miss a momentary smile, one that can never be seen again, but he collects each one of them until he can’t count anymore. Each memory he took in revolt against time that took them away, he etched in paper a size of his palm, kept in boxes, books, colourful frames, most of them, dangling at the ends, clipped on branches that extend from a central pillar, planted in ceramic vases of different colours.

 

They decorated his apartment in varying sizes. Each one holding a collection of memories, some not even his. There were vases for young couples that held memories of their weddings, another is an elderly couple that celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary with their family; one is a collection of an expecting mother, another, a little girl’s seventh birthday. One of the vases holds memories of his travel to Europe, another, his reunion with high school friends.

 

But one always struck like a sore thumb as it sits at the corner of his living room, its branches empty of a specific memory. It looks like a dead tree, void of leaves and flowers, unlike the rest.

 

One day, his tears will be enough to water this dead tree, and memories will hang from its branches. 

 

Yes, one day.  _ When the rain stops, they will grow and bloom. _

  
  
  


Shadows of rain droplets sliding down his glass windows decorated his room in endless loop. It’s almost noon when he opens his eyes, yet it looks like late afternoon, as the sky outside is dark and filled with gray clouds pouring rain since the morning. The sun seemed trying hard to peak from the angry clouds from time to time, but keeps getting covered anyway.

 

Staring at the ceiling has become a habit of his, and Chanyeol feels his heart relax at the sight of the little cracks above – sharing a comfort that it’s similar to the scars covering his heart.

 

However, there’s something new to looking at it that morning, as he feels warm; rather, the empty spot beside him is, as he extends his arm to feel the sheets. A pungent smell suddenly fills the room, bitter mixed with the smell of honey, and a familiar scent that reminds him of sunshine and flowers, of spring, of  _ love _ .

 

“Are you awake?” 

 

Chanyeol quickly looks at the source of the voice, and finds her peaking through the slight opening of the door, long brown hair cascading down her shoulders, a subtle smile on her lips and curiosity and excitement in her eyes.

 

“You sleep with your eyes open so I’m not quite sure.” She murmurs as she finds Chanyeol staring blankly at her. Chanyeol blinks once, twice, before sitting up in surprise. “Yup, my giant is awake.” She beckons, giggling.

 

“Good morning.” Chanyeol finally smiles back. “Baekhee.” He breathes.

 

Baekhee smiles back as she pushes the door open wide, revealing herself. She’s wearing a simple white dress, its skirt stops just above her knees. “Well,” she pouts, “since you’re up, let’s have brunch. I’m starving.”

 

Chanyeol quickly plants his feet on the carpeted floor, breathing away the remnants of sleep that’s still bugging him. “Are you coming?” Baekhee frowns, impatient as Chanyeol collects his sense. 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be with you. Just a sec.” He mutters. Baekhee turns her heels and walks out the room, as Chanyeol looks around. On his bedside, he finds a frame that has been knocked over. “Park Chanyeol, I don’t have all day!” Baekhee screams playfully, startling Chanyeol, who immediately runs out the room to follow her before he can even reach to the frame to fix it up.

 

The living room smells like honey and coffee; and of Baekhee; definitely Baekhee, the love of his life.

 

The said woman dances back facing him as she flips another pancake on the pan, humming a tune Chanyeol barely remembers.

 

“You cooked?” Chanyeol asks, though the answer is quite obvious. Baekhee rolls her eyes as she turns her head to look at him. She lifts the pan from the electric stove, a forced smile on her lips.

 

“Of course, I did. Who else gonna cook here?” Baekhee smirks. “Take a seat, giant, and let me serve you some good food.”

 

‘Good food’ is quite an understatement for that feast that Baekhee prepared on the dining table. A basket full of fruits, cooked eggs and fried bacon, her favourite, plenty of side dishes, two cups of rice, and a bottle of wine decorated their table for two. After a while, Baekhee sits across him, placing the plate of pancakes on the table.

 

“Well, let’s eat?” She clasps her hands together as if in a prayer. “Here’s to a long life.”

 

“Here’s to a long life.” He responds absentmindedly. They eat in silence, while Chanyeol steals a glance or two at the lady in front him. It felt surreal to be dining with her. Despite the numb feeling in his chest, seeing her across him makes him feel a bit - a bit happy, or sad, even Chanyeol doesn’t know.

 

As long as she’s there, he’s fine with anything.

 

Time seems to be at his advantage, as it passes quite slowly since he woke up; and Chanyeol doesn’t want to ponder at it longer. Because he knows that the more he thinks about it, the faster time would go and leave him.

 

He finally looks at her with confidence. Time would steal these moments, he knew, and he had to make it count. He stares at her and take in the sight of her.

 

Baekhee is still the most beautiful girl he’s ever met.

 

She has silky brown locks that flow like curtain dancing in the wind, draping down until just below her shoulders, her eyes were in a light shade of brown, her lips small and soft, and her cheeks were with a tinge of blush. Her skin is dewy and pale, and Chanyeol tells himself that today, Baekhee looks the most beautiful compared to any other day. 

 

She’s perfect today and Chanyeol wants her to stay that way. She wants her to stay exactly as she is now, as he stares at her. If only time would stop and let him indulge at the sight of her for the rest of his life. He’d love that.

 

After their hearty meal, the couple decides on cleaning up Chanyeol’s studio where he keeps all his gears and the best of his works. Baekhee was adamant in completing the latest vase and clip the collection for it, one that she usually does even before.

 

It was her idea, actually, to present Chanyeol’s works in a way no professional photographer has done yet. She once gifted him a collection, hundreds of her selfies clipped on the branches, as an anniversary gift, and both of them decided to do it for his clients as well. The said collection still takes its place on Chanyeol’s desk beside his computer.

 

He loves looking at each of the photos when he works, as a means of inspiration. He just loves looking at her in any way he can.

 

He’s arranging his camera lenses on his shelf when Baekhee calls to him, holding a box in her hands. Chanyeol recognizes the box as the one he kept hidden for awhile, and by ‘awhile’, it means roughly nine or ten months. He remembers hiding the peach coloured box at the far corner of his dresser, covered by layers and layers of clothes. They’re the memories he sure wasn’t ready to go over. He frowns at the sight of it, as his heart begins to pound hard and fast in chest. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Baekhee asks, tilting her head to the side.

 

“Put that b-back where it belongs, Baek.” He stutters, pointing at the box in her hands, the fear of visiting the memories it holds creeping up on him.

 

“This is the last of them, Chan. You have to put this up.” Baekhee frowns at him. “I’m sorry but it’s about time you open this and see these memories.”

 

“Why?” Chanyeol fails to understand the other’s intention. It’s not like Baekhee to push him into something she knew he isn’t ready for.

 

“Because it’s been a long time and these memories shouldn’t haunt you forever.” She mutters sadly, settling down on the floor by Chanyeol’s side. Chanyeol looks down on her, taking deep breaths before he slumps down. She looks at him teary-eyed. ”Time is passing, Chan. I don’t want you to be stuck in time.”

 

She places the box between them, and nervously takes off the cover with two hands, handing it to Chanyeol who’s equally nervous. He looks at her one more time, afraid that revisiting these memories will affect what’s between them in the present, before looking down at the piles of photos messily stacked together inside the box.

 

Baekhee takes the first photo and hands it to Chanyeol. “Tell me about it.” She says, leaning back at the shelves beside them, extending her legs forward. “Come here.” She coos, pulling Chanyeol to rest his head on her lap. He did so, finding it comfortable despite the cold, hard floor.

 

Holding the piece of paper on his fingers, he flips it and reads what’s written behind. 

 

_ She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. _

_ Byun Baekhee _

 

The photo shows Baekhee looking afar, her hair flying everywhere due to strong winds, while her fingers rested on her temple, as if holding the messy hair away from her face, albeit unsuccessful in doing so. Blurred behind her were the sea and the setting sun.

 

“This is my photo of you on the first time we met.” Chanyeol mutters softly, reminiscing on the memory.

 

He first met Baekhee in the beaches of Haeundae in Busan, where he used to play in gigs for a band right after graduating from university.

 

She used to watch his band play every Wednesday and Thursday nights, but was gone even before their set ended. He noticed her while behind the drums as she’s the only one to leave every single time before their last song. 

 

Finally his curiosity got him one night, and he had their band play acoustic for their last song, an excuse so he can step off the stage to follow her. 

 

He finally found her by the beach, eyes reflecting the glimmer of the sea, as the sun sets on the horizon. The wind was ruffling her hair violently, and albeit the little success to hold the strands of her hair and tuck them behind her ears, she stood there stoic, just watching, waiting. Chanyeol gawked at her, taken aback by the sight, hands gripping on the camera on his chest.

 

He took the photo before the sun has completely set in the horizon, and in turn she flashes him a smile, asking to see the photo he took in his camera. It started then - their friendship, their love, and their endless adventures. 

 

“You were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” Chanyeol mutters in remembrance. Baekhee giggles in response.

 

“You always say that.” She replies.

 

“Because you are.” He insists. 

 

“But not for long. I think this is my best portrait from you.” She suddenly frowns, eyeing the contents of the box beside her, picking up the next photo. 

 

“You’re always beautiful, Baekhee. You know that.” Chanyeol hums, handing the photo back to Baekhee as she hands him another.

 

This time, the photo shows Baekhee’s back wearing a long baby pink dress, her reflection shown in the mirror in front her. She was looking down on the neckline of her dress, fingers tugging on it as she fixed it in place. 

 

“This was the time when you were trying dresses for your mom’s wedding. You were uncomfortable in anything.” He chuckles. “If you could, you would’ve worn a hanbok, but your step-dad won’t allow you.”

 

“Right, and that was when I started to feel something was wrong. I had bruises on my torso I didn’t remember having.” She comments, which Chanyeol reluctantly agrees to. “And that’s why it’s here.”

 

She takes the photo from his fingers, and hands him another one from the pile. As moments pass, the more dread Chanyeol feels on seeing these memories.

 

Right before his eyes he saw each of them pass, and revisiting each is just bittersweet; sweet, but a biting after taste lingers.

 

The next photo shows Baekhee again in the baby pink dress sitting beside her mom who was wearing her white wedding dress. They both smile happily, hands clasped together, side by side at the bride’s waiting area. Baekhee had her locks tied in a high ponytail, thin fringe covering her forehead.

 

“You weren’t feeling well during this.” Chanyeol remembers. “You were sweating a lot. I thought you were on your period.”

 

“But I wasn’t. I still regret not telling you about what happened after the wedding. I thought the nosebleed was just because of the stress.” She explains. 

 

“After that you were gone for four days without a word.” He says, letting Baekhee take the photo from him.

 

There’s silence between them for a while, before Baekhee takes another from the box. It takes her a while before she hands the photo to Chanyeol, as it didn’t show her face or Chanyeol’s.

 

“Is this supposed to be here?” She asks. 

 

“Of course.” He replies softly, looking at the photo. It shows the waters of the Han River. “I wasn’t able to bring my camera with me when you asked me to meet you there. I wasn’t able to take your photo that day. So after a while, I came back to take a photo of the river to remind me of what happened then.”

 

Baekhee sighs, finally remembering the memory the Han River entails. “Well, I have no complains. I look like shit that day. This is better than a face swollen from all the crying.”

 

It was freezing that day, when Chanyeol went to the Han River to meet her. It was early afternoon when Baekhee sent her a message. It’s been four days after her mother’s wedding, and since then, Chanyeol never heard from her, except for good night texts in the evening. She’d apologize for not reaching out to Chanyeol, and promised she’ll meet him soon.

 

True to her promise, Baekhee called onto him through a text, and Chanyeol hurriedly went out with just a long coat on him, a scarf around his neck, and his apartment keys in his pocket. He waited for twenty minutes before she finally appeared, eyes swollen with dark circles under them, which she covered with make-up; but Chanyeol knew better.

 

“Park Chanyeol!” She screamed that time, as she stood atop the stairs, while Chanyeol was on the riverside below. “I love you!” Her hair and her coat flapped violently against the harsh wind. Chanyeol chuckled in relief, finally seeing her after being deprived of four days. She looked immaculate in his eyes.

 

“And I’m sorry!” She continued to scream, stopping Chanyeol in his tracks as he made way to her, confused. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice began to falter as she tried to stop her tears.

 

When he saw the first drop of her precious tears, Chanyeol came to her in the speed of light and clutched onto her as she threw herself to his open arms. Oh, how much he missed her. 

 

She mumbled endless ‘I’m sorry’s to him against his chest, tears unstoppable as they ran generously down her cheeks, wetting Chanyeol’s scarf. He attempted to comfort her with a kiss on her forehead, yet the girl sobbed even harder.

 

Confused, he asked her what’s wrong, rubbing the hollow of her back gently. 

 

She tried to calm down, hesitated for long before answering, “Do you love me, Chan?”

 

Chanyeol answered her in a heartbeat. “So much.”

 

“Are you happy with me?” She asked again, looking up to him with tears on her cheeks, eyelashes clamped together by them. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were already pale in the cold and all the crying, but Chanyeol still looked at her in awe.  

 

He sighed as he gazed at her, heart already hurting for her. He hated it when she cried.

 

“You know that I am.” He whispered softly, hand caressing a strand of hair that stuck on her wet cheeks, “You make me happy, Baekhee. You always do. Now can you tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Baekhee pulled back, releasing herself from Chanyeol’s hold, before wiping her tears. “I love you, too, Chan, so much. And you make me the happiest girl in the world. Don’t forget that.” Skimming her slender fingers down Chanyeol’s cheek, she looked up to him to stare at his brown orbs, taking him all in, “but I’m sorry if you won’t stay happy with me for long. I’ll break your heart, and I don’t know how-

 

Chanyeol raised a hand to stop her; confused and scared about what where her remarks lead to. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m-“She replied nervously, “I’m dying, Chan. This,” she pulled her scarf to reveal her collarbone with a big angry purple and red bruise, rashes covered her neck. “Is killing me.”

 

He thought maybe he was dreaming. Maybe it was a nightmare because he’s been missing her all that time. He screamed silently in his mind, tried to wake himself up. But, of course, to no avail.

 

He was sure Baekhee explained something but his mind went haywire after her words. They became a jumble of words the more he listened.

 

After a while, Baekhee nudged at him. “Say something, please.”

 

There was no reply; instead, long, lean arms wrapped around her body in a tight embrace. She felt his chest heaving up and down as his fingers trailed up to her nape and then her hair. They stood there for a few minutes, dragging the time as long he could, before they faced the utter truth.

 

“Whatever this is,” He whispered finally, “I’m going to stay by your side, Baek. Break my heart for all I care, I won’t let you go through this alone.”

 

“I was in every hospital there is in Seoul, Chan. They said the same thing.” She murmured, once again crying. “I’m to go through twelve rounds of chemo. Chan, I’m to fight a battle I didn’t choose. I don’t know if I can do this.”

 

“You’re just scared, Baekhee,” He murmured, cheek pressed hard on to her head, “and I am, too, but I promise I’ll be there. Let this sink in for a while, but I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

They stayed like that for a few more minutes before Chanyeol realized how hard it was for Baekhee to stay in the cold like that. They went back to Chanyeol’s apartment, where she stayed the night.

 

He’s so immersed in the memory, that only when Baekhee wipes a drop of his tear, he remembers where he is. “Hey, it’s all in the past.” She murmurs, running her fingers through his hair. 

 

Chanyeol brings his hand up to touch her face, fingers sliding down her cheek. “It still feels so real, Baek.”

 

“I know.”

 

She hands him another photo as she took the one in his hand.

 

“This was your first night in the hospital.” He murmurs, looking at the photo. Two hands were clasped together. His hand was under hers, a white tag was around her wrist. Behind their hands were white sheets - her hospital bed.

 

“You were still asleep when I took this.” He continues, reminiscing. “I couldn’t sleep that time, so afraid you won’t be there when I open my eyes. You, though, were so brave, Baek.”

 

Baekhee giggles. “Of course, I was. You were there. You took all the fear away. I was even more scared you’ll pass out, than the first wave of side effects kicking in. Remember when I woke up and told you I should dye my hair to blue before it was gone?” 

 

“You always joked about it.” Chanyeol reminds her. “But I didn’t really know what was going through your mind. I can’t laugh with you because I don’t want to make it seem like it was easy for me, but I didn’t want to put you down and hurt you more.”

 

“You were my strength, Chan. I can’t thank you enough for just staying with me through it all.” She murmurs softly, taking another photo from the box and handing it to Chanyeol.

 

This time, the photo is black and white, and it shows Baekhee’s hospital bed from a far, her body curled up on it, knees on her chest and arms hugging her legs. Her arms were covered in gray spots, bruises of varying sizes, a symptom of the damage under her skin. She gives him another photo of her back as she looked outside the window by her bed. Hand at the ends of her hair. Chanyeol took the photo from behind, hugging her after.

 

“But not every day, I can joke about it.” She sighs, looking at her photo. “There were days I was like this.”

 

Chanyeol can barely remember when he took the photo, during the many days Baekhee suffered from the effects of chemotherapy. But looking at the luscious hair of hers in the photo, it seemed taken after first rounds.

 

“This was one of the most painful things to watch, Baek.” He said as he handed the photos back, not wanting to see it longer. He can remember how much she suffered as the first wave of side effects kept them both awake. 

 

He stayed with her though her pain let her hold his hand to squeeze tight when the pain kicks in; carried her to the bathroom when she retched nothing but acid. He watched her thrash in her bed with nightmares that haunt her sleep. 

 

He did her best to calm her down during her worst times, when the fear of death came to her and all she did was cry and bawl over her dreams she thought she’ll never fulfil because of her circumstances. He stayed, as he promised. Through it all, he stayed with her.

 

“If only I could take the pain away so you didn’t suffer that much.” He mumbles, closing his eyes.

 

“You don’t give yourself much credit, do you?” Baekhee mutters back, “I had hope when I looked at you. You were my strength.” 

 

She hands him another photo, this time, their photo together, probably the only one in the collection. Both of them were smiling, cheeks pressed together. He remembers how Baekhee whined about each photo, finding the effects of her chemo already evident – her skin was dry, her lips were chapped among other things. She looked tired, but Chanyeol, successfully made her smile on that one photo. 

 

“This was when you told me you want to take a photo of me every day.” She remembers, taking a good look at the photo on Chanyeol’s hand. “This was the best among hundreds, and I still looked like shit.”

 

Chanyeol scoffs. “Well, I did, too. So, I call it quits.” 

 

“You look good there, Chan, what are you talking about? You look so in love with me.” She murmurs, taking another photo from the box. “Oh, look!”

 

She excitingly hands him another photo – this time of the night sky filled with exploding colours against the light of stars. It was during New Year’s Eve, when the nurses organized a special party for patients who weren’t able to leave the hospital. Baekhee sat on her wheelchair, thin, frail arm up in the air as if she was reaching for the mix of red and yellow fireworks in the sky, with a big, bright smile on her face.

 

Around her finger was a silver band, a red gem sparkling on it.

 

It was a cold winter over the city, and fortunately, the hospital had a close place at the rooftop, with one side made of glass, that the patients inside were comfortable and away from the biting temperature, but was given a stunning view of the outside.

 

Unknown to Baekhee, Chanyeol had called onto their close friends to come and celebrate the holiday with them. He wanted Baekhee to happy – it was all he ever wanted despite their circumstances. 

 

It was out of whim, actually, the planning, the proposal, but Chanyeol would never admit that to her. He’s as exhausted as Baekhee, they both knew that. There were days when things weren’t just working out. They both were worn out from the constant cycle of medications, of pain. There were days when they were just angry, of how unfair it was. 

 

Often times they asked, ‘why?’ but the answers never came. Until, that morning of New Year’s Eve, Baekhee asked her, a simple question of ‘what if?’

 

“What if I never recover?” She asked that morning, “I’d like for you to have someone to take care of you. I want to you to be loved as how much you loved me, Chan. You deserve that.”

 

He wasn’t sure what to say, because the constant fear was always there – the fear of that possibility turning into reality. He questioned himself the whole day.

 

How will he live without her? Can he? Would he be able to love someone again if he loses her? Or Baekhee was enough, no matter the future held for them?

 

How he could love after that, he asked himself, when he has given everything he could to Baekhee, putting her needs above his own. 

 

He realized. He knew. He decided. He had to be with her until the end of their lives together or at least until the last of hers.

 

When Baekhee fell asleep, as she was constantly tired and in need of naps, Chanyeol quickly called onto Sehun, Baekhee’s cousin and his friend, who then called their friends to come that night. Chanyeol asked him the special favour of buying the ring.

 

Baekhee cried when she saw familiar faces on the rooftop that night, balloons on hand, and flowers on the other. It was almost midnight when the fun and laughter died down, all heads turned to the glass windows, silently in prayer for the rest of the patients in the room.

 

It was midnight when Chanyeol pushed her closer to the windows, knelt in front her, and asked her.

 

“Spend the rest of your life with me.” Baekhee recites. “It was the best day of my life, Chan. Suddenly, I felt like I was complete, like all suffering, gone. You made me the happiest girl that night.”

 

“I didn’t regret it. I don’t know how to live without you, Baekhee.”

 

She hums in reply, taking the photo from his hand, and giving him another one. “I was the happiest girl.”

 

“Yes, you were.” He replies, looking at the new photo in his hand. It’s Baekhee’s portrait, which she asked to be taken the day she was allowed to leave the hospital and medicate at home instead. She still had to travel every other day for her regular check-up, but being home eased her mind more. 

 

Despite her mother’s protest, Baekhee moved in with Chanyeol. Her prognosis was still bleak, but the couple always had hope, even if it was just a little. They promised to live one day at a time, as if it was the last.

 

And that was why Baekhee asked him to take her photo –  _ the _ photo; the one she wanted Chanyeol to use for her funeral if it came to that. Although Chanyeol was against the idea, he was bound to do anything Baekhee says. He didn’t want to upset her.

 

“You know,” she said then, “this is just a precautionary measure. I don’t want to use this, Chan, but I’m slowly learning to accept the truth.”

 

“Promise me that we won’t need to use this; that I’ll take another photo of you, skin wrinkled and saggy, and your hair as gray as mine.” He pleaded, kneeling on the white floor of his studio. “Please, Baekhee, tell me I’ll do that. I’ll have you take my photo as well. You’d like that.”

 

Baekhee hugged him tight in response, nodding her head, afraid of a promise she may not fulfil.

 

“Oh, you have this?” Baekhee suddenly beams, pushing another photo to his hand, breaking his reverie. “I didn’t know that.”

 

“You said you wanted privacy.” Chanyeol explains. “But I can’t really miss the moment when you were the bravest.” The photo is a photo of her in the bathroom, hands resting on the electric razor by the sink.

 

Her hair was already falling out for weeks, slowly, and it was only then when she accepted the fact she’ll lose them all. Baekhee asked for privacy, wanting to do it on her own as a sign of strength.

 

Chanyeol took a peak for a second and took the photo, and waited outside. Thirty minutes after, Baekhee went out the bathroom, a thin scarf around her head, hiding what’s beneath.

 

“Are you going tell me that I’m still beautiful?” Baekhee teases as she takes the photo from his hand. “No, don’t answer that.” She giggles.

 

Chanyeol, wanting to assure her over and over, sits up and crosses his legs and shifts to face her.

 

“You’re still the most beautiful girl despite all this.” He mutters, lifting the box that sat there on the floor by Baekhee’s side. “This only showed how beautiful you always were.”

 

“That’s sweet of you, Chan.” She whispers softly, placing a hand on his. Chanyeol takes it holds it tight.

 

“Baekhee, you know how much I love you. Nothing can change that. I want to tell you over and over how proud I am of you. If I could keep this moment, stop here, freeze at this specific second that I am with you, I’d still tell you that you’re beautiful and see that spark in your eyes.”

 

“Thank you, Chanyeol. I don’t want these memories to be kept forever.”

 

“No,” He whispers back, staring back at her, “thank you for reminding me that you are what these photos show, not the sickness, not the journey, but you.”

 

He turns the box upside down, letting the papers fall down to the floor, each one holding a special memory that they both held dear. “I realized I’ve been putting it off because I was scared to be haunted by the painful memories, your sickness and your pain. Now, that I’m here with you, I only see your beauty.”

 

Baekhee sheds a single tear, finally throwing herself to Chanyeol’s arms. “If only I could stop time, Baekhee, I already did.”

 

“I know.” She whispers. “But time is still passing, Chan. You know that. You have to move with it, too.”

 

It finally dawns on him, Baekhee’s intention. She’s asking him to face the truth. Still unsure, for the last time he chooses to trust Baekhee and her heart. He’s not sure if he could take it, if time passes again; but Baekhee wants him to stop going against it.

 

Taking one deep breath, Chanyeol scoops her up to her arms and carries her back to the room, leaving the pile of photos scattered all over the floor. 

 

No memory would top what was right in front him.

 

He settled both of them gently on his bed, spooning Baekhee as they lay there in silence.

 

“Chan,” Baekhee murmurs, “thank you. I want you to be happy. Always.”

 

She turns around and inches closer to him, hugging him back even tighter. “I love you, okay?”

 

“I love you, too.” Chanyeol whispers. He once again notices the frame that was knocked over on his bedside table. Unknowingly, he reaches to it, grabbing on it stand, and pulling it closer to him.

 

Baekhee peaks at it, and he finally remembers what it was. Heart pounding against his chest, he pulls Baekhee closer to his chest, arms weakening with the impending truth, as he sees the photo cased in that frame.

 

It’s a photo of him clad in a white suit and beside him is Baekhee sitting on her wheelchair wearing a dress, a white floral crown a veil behind her. With their hands clasped together, they had a subtle smile on their lips.

 

He remembers that day.

 

He remembers her.

 

He remembers how solemn everything was – how instead of a celebration, all of their guests remained silent all through the ceremony. 

 

The blood transfusions won’t work. The bone marrow transplant wasn’t successful. Her spleen was already enlarged and her liver can’t take the medicines anymore.

 

Yet, Baekhee looked prefect that day in Chanyeol’s eyes. It’s the memory he’ll forever keep in his mind and in his heart. It was the day they got married. 

 

Even if it was a quick ceremony they held in the hospital, it was all Chanyeol and Baekhee could ever want.

 

“That’s my favourite day of all the days I lived.” She murmurs, lifting her head to look at him. Chanyeol instinctively slides a finger against her cheek, pushing away the strands of her hair behind her ear. 

 

_ “Because I had you. I’m sorry I can’t stay; Chan, but I’ll always love you. Keep our memories. Keep me forever.” _

  
  


Chanyeol weakly opens his eyes, and found the space beside him empty. The sun is warm against his skin from the rays that found their way past the small gaps of his curtain.

 

He takes a deep breath before letting it all sink in once again, letting the pain and longing fill his heart. He really can’t do much but accept the reality. 

 

He finds their wedding photo still on the bedside. The house still smells like honey. But it wasn’t raining anymore.

 

He walks out the room, looking for Baekhee, even If he knew too well that she won’t be there. 

 

He finds the table still full of the food he prepared last night in remembrance of her. The apartment is still the same.

 

But one thing is different, he realizes as he scans fully the living room.

 

As in the corner of the room, there stands a ceramic peach vase, shining as it reflects the sun from the outside, its branches full of photos –  _ her  _ photos. Each of it a memory of her journey, from the worst to the happiest, as she battled with cancer until the end.

 

There were over a hundreds of them.

 

He notices a blank paper from the collection, and realizes that it was an envelope. With shaky hands he takes it, and pulls out the content. He finds a familiar penmanship, albeit being messily written.

  
  


_ My giant, _

 

 _I know it’s unfair that I visit you like this when I know you’re hurting. By the time you read this, it’s been a year, and I hope you are doing well._ _And by receiving this, it means I didn’t fulfil my promise to be with you._

 

_ Please, don’t cry when you look at our memories. I know time stole me from you, but through taking these photos, I know you’ve kept as much as you could. _

 

_ I am sorry that I broke your heart, but thank you for staying with me all these time. In a week, I’ll be your wife and you’ll be my husband. My dream will finally come true.  _

 

_ These memories, take them as my gift when the time comes. Like a bouquet of flowers, I want to take in each rose, each memory, in remembrance of me. This is my gift to you for our wedding anniversary. _

 

_ Baekhee _

  
  


He remembers her.

 

He remembers that day, the wedding, the weak smile on her face.

 

As twelve hours after they said their vows, Baekhee, the love of his life, passed away.


End file.
